Music Video

This weekend we shot a up and coming teen pop star, this was my first music video I have been production designer for! I am pretty happy with the outcome for what little tiny budget we had and I am just really excited to see the final product. There is something about being on set that I really love and even though at times its frustrating and hard I really love the feeling of accomplishment there is after the project is finished. After working on film, theater and music video stuff for the past 6 weeks non-stop I am giving myself a break to catch up with friends and real life dilemmas. My search for a 9-5 job will now be my full priority its very hard to let go of my true passion and love for design but its something I have to do to pay the bills. I will do both at the same time and see what happens. Here are some pics of the set!

Anxiety is not my friend

The last couple of days have sucked beyond belief. I already have anxiety problems but now my anxiety is really turning up a notch. Dealing with my parents is very torturous and at times it really puts me on edge. They don't care how i feel or how much i care about being a production designer or the fact that finding work right now that pays is nearly impossible. So its getting closer to the time I have to start paying my loans and I have no job to pay them plus I have to pay rent as well. Its very frustrating and the pressure is on. I feel like I have so many obligations not only to my parents expectations but my own. I don't know what to do. I don't want to sacrifice my career goals to get a 9-5 job that i will hate. I guess i have several options 9-5 and due film on the side when I can, do part-time and do film on the side as well. I am running out of options and if I have to do the 9-5 i guess i will just have to put my career goals on hold until this recession is over. I've had to fight for everything i have accomplished and it sucks because everything that should be easy in my case is not! Sometimes it makes me think what have i done to deserve such a horrible upbringing. But i can't give up now I have worked so much to proof to myself that I can be someone! I just have to keep the hope alive somewhere before this depression gets the best of me!

In Captivity

So for the last couple of weeks I have been MIA because I devoted my entire time to this film I am thinking its been about 5-6 weeks of non - stop work. In the end after all the hard work I think the project is going to look amazing! Here are a few of my favorite pics while on location.

Enjoy!

Saying Goodbye is hard!

My sister has left to Korea for the next year. I left her at the airport on Monday and it was hard to hold back the tears. Seeing my sister leave to Korea for a year. My sister and I are extremely close not only in age 1 year difference but we share everything. We are both artist and have been there for each other when no one else has been there. We have become each others support system which has helped when we needed that support from someone to keep us going with our dreams. At times we've had to fight extra hard for whatever we accomplish. I guess thats the way life is when you come from a broken home. Its something that we have dealt with our entire lives and yet have managed to make our goals a reality. So saying goodbye to my sis was hard because we have always been relatively close in proximity of each other but now she is 12 hrs away and there's a 16 hrs difference. As my mom and I stood there waving goodbye to her my eyes were glassy from holding back the tears that growing up is hard to do and saying goodbye is even harder to do as well. It felt like there goes my sister all grown up now, becoming an adult an independent women something we have committed ourselves to being. I am proud that she is so brave to leave to a foreign country that most people frown upon because they are comfortable with where they are. But for people like my sis and I traveling and being independent is one of our major goals in life. I know it will be hard to get a custom to her new surroundings but like everything that is new is difficult and uncomfortable but with time you make friends learn new things and it grows to an experience that you will never forget. If everything works out for my sister and she is ok with Korea I will get the opportunity to come and visit in Christmas which would be amazing. So far its been amazing to be able to talk to her online. I love technology for that reason being able to communicate with on aim has been awesome and asking her all the 20 thousand questions I have and my parents have. I can't wait for pictures to come already I want to see where she is living. So in the meantime while she is gone and I am adjusting to her not being with me it will be a valuable experience on my part as well. Being independent from her and doing my own thing without my sister will be interesting I know at some point siblings have to grow apart and move apart from each other and live their lives. So will see what the next couple of months bring.